...mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.
do you feel like you will EVER find this? i feel really out of whack right now. i don't know if it's because a new semester started so my schedule is all different; or if it's PMS; or if it's just something i can't put into words. either way, i feel sorta lost.
it's a struggle some days to make my mind focus on the fact that i'm doing this all for a reason. i want to better my career, i want to better our financial situation, i want to better myself. it's hard to justify sometimes all the time i'm spending away from my husband and son. either i'm at work, at class, or on the treadmill. i think in an average week day, i get to spend time with little dude maybe 3 hours. it's not enough.
i feel like i'm being pulled into a million different directions and i am so afraid i'm going to fall apart.
i think i want to do too much.
maybe i should have put my half marathon dreams on hold and just run to lose the weight to meet my goal.
maybe i should have been more patient and not try to take a full load of credits while working full time.
maybe i just need a vacation!
i know one day this all will be worth it. when i graduate from school next spring, we will be selling our house {which is going to be hard since we designed it ourselves}, moving closer to hubby's job, hopefully i'll be starting a new job, buying a new house, planning a new addition to the fam, and the list goes on...
i long for a time where things will slow down. a time where all i will have to concentrate on is my family and my dream job, with running races on the side.
i hope me and balance will be BFF one day...
5 comments:
I think we all wish for balance. I don't know that I'll find it anytime soon, and I'm not doing half of what you're doing! Keep up the good work!
Hey..aren't you going on a mini vacation in March??????
I understand where you are...not exactly because i don't have a child at home, but I way way overplan myself all the time. I plan school (only part time, I don't know how you do full time school and full time work, i think you are amazing!!), full time work, marriage, cooking dinners etc, family stuff, yoga classes once a week, gym (which I usually run out and do during my lunchbreak) and I'm tired of trying to balance it all the time. I'm tired of running around all the time and being away from home so much like you, but then I think about also what I'm gaining. Like you said, the promise of a better future where I will have time, and more money so I can be home more, but its no fairytale:) After we went on vacation, I felt so so much better when I came back and things seemed to fall in place easier. I think you need and deserve a vacation girlfriend!!!
OH GIRL - you and me BOTH!!!
someday.... someday....
You know what though - it's these TOUGH times that make us appreciate the days ahead!!!!!
it WILL be worth it :)
Much love to ya darlin!
One foot in front of the other...slowly plodding along...you know who wins the race between the tortoise and the hare
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